you know...i keep it real

always...i have always kept things real here on my blog. last summer ya'all followed me through my day to day dealings with joe and i being seperated. we've been through happy times, good times, sad times...normal day to day life. so here is another post of me keepin' it real.

i have realized recently, through a lot of self-reflection, that i have turned into the parent that says "oh no, not my child". normally when i think of a parent doing that i think of when their child would do something wrong they would say oh no, they would NEVER do that. and i knew i wasn't like that, so it never entered my mind that i might be JUST LIKE THEM to some extent.

i've known for some time that jade struggles in school. but in my mind i always blamed it on the teachers or the school, a kid must be disrupting her, she must not have felt well...THAT is how i am like my mind i was saying "oh no, not my child...there is NO WAY my child could possibly have a learning disability". even until last week i would fight that thought tooth and nail. i'm not real sure what snapped me out of it...i can't really tell you because i have no idea myself.

last week we had a meeting with the school discussing different options for jade. and i have to tell you, i went into that meeting ready to fight. ready to fight and INSIST that my daughter does NOT have a problem and REFUSING to listen otherwise. i think perhaps during that meeting i thought "how do i know she doesn't". and then my thoughts started spinning, what if i am hurting her more by NOT wanting to accept this myself...i continue to deny this, jade slips through another year at school...if i had just admitted this sooner could she have had an easier time this last year. i think it was at THAT moment that i realized what i had been doing.

and please dont confuse my realization with taking the responsibility off of the school. we have had our fair share of problems with them. and bless jade's heart, she made it through it all. and those situations WERE the schools fault without a doubt.

now we have stumbled upon a point where we have to make a decision...HAVE to make one...and i had to think outside of my "not my child" box and think about what would be best for jade. we have decided to have her tested at the beginning of the next school year. it will be testing for emotional and academic problems (i.e. - learning disorders or basically post traumatic stress). once the testing is done THEN we will decide on an action plan. and i'm sure even then, once its in black and white, i will STILL struggle with my "not my child" mentality.

as for the testing for emotional problems (post traumatic stress)...this comes from an "incident" that happened at school when jade was in first grade (6 years old)...a very traumatic thing...and the school never EVER let us, her parents, know about it. no phone call was received from them EVER...they play it off as a mistake, it was just overlooked...but seriously, in my opinion, this girl has serious post traumatic stress...but we will see once the testing is done

so, that's my keeping it real for today. i love this girl with all my heart and only want what is best for her, even if it means me having to admit that yes, perhaps my daughter does have a problem. she is a beautiful, fun, caring, loving and funny as heck little girl.
out for now