my mama...bless her heart...

i'm fairly sure she is THE best daughter in the ENTIRE world!!! she has taken care of my grandma totally unselfishly for years. and since grandma had her stroke in january taking care of her is so much more involved, more than i think ANYONE knows! but through it all she has never complained, never second guessed her decision of keeping grandma at home instead of putting her in a nursing home...she has done it because she knows it's the right thing.

what makes me feel bad is the amount of work it is for her. don't get me wrong, she has never complained nor would she ever, but i can see the stress it puts her though. i just wish the rest of the family would/could see it. here is my mom’s typical day:

* she sleeps with grandma every night because grandma gets up during the night to go to the potty and can't go by herself...this translates into my mom getting between 2 and 4 hours of sleep...most nights it's only 2 hours...can you even imagine only getting two hours of sleep??

* between 8 and 9 am grandma gets up...mom has to go get her out of bed, take her to the potty, help her down the steps (grandmas right leg/arm doesn't work real well in the morning so she needs significant help), have her breakfast on the table for her, take grandmas blood sugar, give grandma her pills, bath grandma, get her dressed for the day and get her settled into her recliner. can you even imagine having to do all of that BEFORE 10 am??

* stay in the house all day long incase grandma needs her...if she was outside she wouldn't be able to hear grandma hollering for her. can you imagine never leaving your house, except for a few minutes here and there??

* make lunch and dinner for dad and grandma...

* get grandma ready for bed, get her bed clothes on her, give grandma her evening medications and take her up to bed between 8 and 9. taking her up to bed is NOT as easy as it sounds, stairs are terribly hard for grandma so mom and dad almost have to carry her up the steps.

* mom then goes to bed...lays there all night and again gets only 2 - 4 hours of sleep and starts the whole routine again. can you imagine this being your day to day life??

it breaks my heart that mom never gets out of the house...that she can't go shopping with the kids and i...that grandma feels like she is a burden to mom...that mom can't make plans with her friends...that the kids can't stay at nanny's house anymore...that i feel like i've lost my mom in a way...

mostly it breaks my heart that there is no one else really helping out...can't they SEE my mom needs help? i wish they could hear the exhaustion in her voice...listen to her voice crack as tears run down her face because she is exhausted...see how it ages her day by day...why can't they see that like i can? surely they KNOW how hard it is on her...

i am proud of her...proud that she is MY mother...and i love her to the ends of the earth...with all my heart...

out for now
~kisses