sometimes i'm a {mean} girl


i know, hard to believe right...lol
seriously, sometimes i am a total mean girl
and it's not something i'm proud of
if someone wrongs me (or my family and friends)
i can feel that fire starting inside
i'm sure some of you can relate to that
and before i really even know it that fire is burning out of control
i am fuming mad and spewing anger and hate everywhere
not a pretty picture

i've tried chanting inside my head "don't get mad...don't get mad"
but turns out that doesn't really work for me
i've tried venting to others
but that just makes me more mad by rehashing it
i've tried not saying a word to anyone
but then it just builds up inside me and comes out at the wrong time, normally directed at some innocent bystander (sorry joe)

there is only one thing i've found that works for me
redirects me, comforts me and makes me pause
and that is prayer
in those first few seconds of prayer
i can feel the fire dying down
my breathing going back to normal
and then i pray for the person that made me angry
pray for myself to have patience
and pray for guidance in the situation
then suddenly, as quick as it started, the "mean girl" is gone

i've realized through much (and i do mean MUCH) prayer in these situations
that i have a choice to make
i don't HAVE to get angry
i might not be able to control the other person
but i can control how i react to them
i don't have to let them steal my happiness
the choice is MINE

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
out for now
~kisses