i've finally decided on a word for the new year...COURAGE.  i want to have courage to just be myself, to step out and do things i've always been intimidated by, to love my husband the way he needs to be loved, to keep buidling my business and to have courage mentally and spiritually. 

i'm the type of person that feels totally uncomfortable walking in to a room by myself.  i instantly feel as if all eyes are on me and it makes me uncomfortable.  but if i have someone by my side it's all good.  i would never EVER go into a restaurant by myself and eat.  i don't know if that makes me a dependent person or what the word would be for it.  perhaps self-consious?

i'm also a completely indecisive person, just ask joe.  we can discuss for two hours "where do you want to eat at?" and i will always answer "doesn't matter, up to you".  i will ask joe 1,204 times before i kinda-sorta make a decision.  i'm always so so so terrified that the decision i make will be the wrong one.

so in 2011 i am going to have courage...and i began it yesterday when i walked into the gym by myself, not knowing anyone there.  that was HUGE for me.  granted, i had to sit in my car for a few minutes giving myself a pep talk...and again in the locker room before i went out to workout.  but ya know what, i did it.  and this morning i walked into the same gym, without knowing anyone, and worked out.  it's all about courage!

here is a recent convo with my little that i don't want to forget...


jade:  tonight when we were at dinosaur class...
me:  what are you talking about jade, what is dinosaur class?
jade:  oh sorry, i was thinking of dinosaurs when i went to say exercise class...
me:  (laughing-so-hard-i-almost-pee-my-pants)


out for now