~ still embracing my struggle ~

you must do the thing you think you cannot do ~ eleanor roosevelt

food is my boyfriend
seriously, we've always had an intense love affair. it's always there, never lets you down and always makes you feel good. let's face it...food's always there to fill you with delicious goodness. if i was sad, food would cheer me up...if i was happy, food would celebrate with me...if i was lonly, food would keep me company.

it was killing me slowly
every day i ate an extreme amount of calories coupled with being lazy and not moving, i was slowly killing myself.  i might have felt that food was always there for me but it came at a pretty high price.  a price i had ignored for as many years as i could.  it was finally time.

the day i saw the truth
for years i was in denial that i had a problem.  i always said that i loved my curvy body and if others didn't like it then they didn't need to look at it.  someone very close to our family became sick and i realized that was exactly where i was headed.  i didn't want to shorten my life, i want to be around as long as i can to watch my children grow up.

i decided to join the fight
a fight i hadn't fought for years. i had dropped out of the fight because i was scared of failure.  i found out at an early age how easy it was to pack on pounds. i'm learning, slowly, how to take control over something that i've allowed to control me for years. i've been at it for two years and i still have soooooo much to learn!

it's no secret, this fight is hard
and believe me, i struggle with it daily and i imagine i always will. i have to admit, i get discouraged sometimes. at the beginning of my fight when i would get discouraged my brain would immediately want to throw me back into the cycle. the vicious cycle most of us know...your fat which makes you depressed so you eat to comfort yourself which, in turn, makes you fatter. but now, after two years, i've finally changed that way of thinking.

the choice is mine
i've learned this over the past two years. i can embrace my struggle or i can run from it. i spent so many years turning around and running from it as fast as i could. i would think "i didn't lose this week so why keep trying" and i would run...straight to the cupboard and grab a bag of chips. obviously, that way of thinking doens't work. now when i see i haven't lost any i take a deep breath and think about what i could change about my diet or exercise in the following week to hopefully see a loss on the scale.

i've came a long way
and i'm totally proud of it.  i can't believe how i've changed, how my life has changed, in the last few years.  i'm such a different person.  when i look back at the pictures of me, i don't even recognized that girl.  that totally-unhappy-in-denial girl.  i'm in love with the new me  =)

out for now