i'm allowed to be confident?

i was a negative nancy and a debbie downer.  as far as negative talk went, i was a pro.  i could talk a mean game and cut to the bone with my words.  the sad thing, this all went on inside my head.  my entire life, i've compared myself to others around me.  i was too fat, my booty was too big, i hated my nose, my teeth weren't white enough and now lets add to it a stomach that looks like a road map.

in the past year, i've had a lot of bad days.  i mean horrible, breakdown, take you to your knees days.  add to that the stress of multiple surgeries, weight gain, hair loss and scars beyond scars.

my entire life i've been striving to be someone that i'm not.

while i was driving to a photo shoot this weekend, i was doing my normal "God talk".  i just talk to God like He's sitting right beside me.  yep, i talk right out loud and just use normal, everyday language like i would talking to my best friend over coffee.  i'm not even sure how the conversation got there, but all of a sudden God gave me one of those "aha" moments.  you know the ones, they leave you sitting there with your mouth gaping open.  those moments that the light bulb clicks in our brain and illuminates what God is doing.  yeah, i kinda love those moments huge amounts.

in the past month i've noticed a change in my face.  i just attributed it to adding diatomaceous earth to my diet and i've added coconut oil into my beauty regimen.  that was until the other night, when my best friend also mentioned that she's noticed me having a glow.

as i was driving, it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  i am beautiful because i'm a daughter of the King and i'm made in His image.  take a moment and let that sink in.  how freeing is that?  from that moment on, my image of myself changed.  i no longer felt i had to compete with skinny girls, i no longer hated all the scars on my stomach from my bazillion surgeries, i no longer think i need a nose job or a tummy tuck...i am perfectly perfect as He wanted me to be.

a precious gem's beauty isn't always recognized until it enters the hand of a skilled jeweler who knows just how to clean and cut the gem in the way that will best reflect the light that shines on it.  our Father, the one who loves us the absolute most, holds us in His hands.  we are His and He is ours.

i can be confident. you can be confident. we can all be confident. we can walk through this world with heads and hearts held high as daughters of the King. daughters who are messy and broken. with Him, we are transformed into beautiful simply because we are His.

true beauty is found on the inside.  when we allow Him to guide us, mold us, to cleanse our hearts of anything that doesn't please Him...when we do all that, it's reflected on the outside.  we are beautiful on the inside and outside when we acknowledge Christ's deep and abiding love for us.  love that doesn't change with our accomplishments or appearance.  He loves me in spite of my scars, booty, nose, bags under my eyes and droopy eyelids.  His love is always, always, forever there...accepting us exactly for who we are.

out for now