a letter of forgiveness

to the woman who married my birth-father...

i normally wouldn't post something this personal in a public place, but every other form of communication between us is blocked and i know you read my blog frequently.  so this was the only logical way i could find to share this with you.

i'm sure entering into a family that already had it's dynamics established wasn't easy for you.  and i understood that and still do.  and i'm sure it wasn't easy to deal with someone as opinionated as i am.  i can be a little overbearing at times, as hard as that might be for me to admit.  

i want you to know when you first came into his (and our) lives, i didn't have any problem with you.  i want you to know i never saw it as competition.  i was thrilled that he had found not only a nice and polite woman but a Christian woman.  every bit of that made my heart happy, it made all of our hearts happy!

but the games that quickly started, the way you saw the kids and i as your competition and the sneaking behind his back to be mean to us...those were all things that shouldn't have been done.  ever.  

but i want you to know i forgive you for them.

i've spent so many days replaying conversations, text messages and phone calls over and over in my head.  and every time, it left me feeling not only betrayed but picked over and second best.  the first time i left his life through my adoption, i completely understand and see as a huge blessing.  but being forced out of his life by you has left me feeling second best and rejected.

i feel no hatred to you, and i forgive you for that as well.

the time you told me i was part of a family that didn't have love.  the time you told him he had to choose between you and i.  the time you pushed my son out of the way so you could sit by my father.

i forgive you.

i had someone ask me what if God placed you directly in my life for me to show you Christ through me.  and i've not done that.  i'm sorry for that.  

i want you to know that every single one of us are full of sin and pride but God still loves us. He loves us because He is merciful! you have to recognize that you can't make payment for your sins. God sent His own Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. He died for your sins. He was punished so you don’t have to be. not only that; death did not defeat Him. after three days, Jesus rose from the dead, alive again!

nobody's perfect and i wish the best for you and for him.  and i hope that after all we've been through, that  you've learned just as much as i have.  

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15