when you feel like you're failing

have you ever felt that way?  like every single thing you do is wrong?

why is it so hard for me to stick to this stupid diet?  my husband deserves a thin, beautiful wife.

i'm a horrible housekeeper.  this house is a mess.  why is it so hard for me to get it together?

i wish i had more patience.  i yell way too much.

i'm ruining my kids.

why can't i organize family devotion and prayer time?

i need to be a better wife.  he deserves better than me.  why can't i just be submissive and keep my mouth shut?

i wish i had the motivation to walk every day.  

and it goes on and on and on and on.

these are the thoughts that have invaded my mind at one time or another.

accusations and lies that i've believed.  that i've allowed to invade my mind.  that i've bought into...hook, line and sinker.  fears of failure, worthlessness and my inability to keep up.  days sprinkled with anxiety, depression and many tears.  hours of horrible, negative self-talk in my head.  nights spent staring into the darkness believing every lie whispered to me.

we live in a world that hates failure and promotes perfection.  failure is ugly and messy.  the world wants perfectly manicured, thin, beautiful mama's who never, ever mess up.  but when you do, they are oh-so-quick to point it out.  

i can't tell you i've conquered this.  i can't tell you there aren't still days i buy into the lie of perfection.  but i can tell you there are things i've learned along the way.  little nuggets of truth that God has placed in my heart.

i need Jesus.  we were created to fail.  it's in my failure i can see my need for Jesus, the one who never fails.  when i fail miserably, it's the perfect time to fall into Him.  let His arms surround me, comfort me and remind me i am not, but He is.  i read this quote and instantly loved it.  because i'm with Jesus, i will walk on stormy waters, not drown in them.      

i won't be perfect until i get to Heaven.  beauty really does come from the ashes. in God’s family, there are no failures. well actually there are nothing BUT failures. we are all failures. if we weren't failures the cross would not have been needed. but it is and we are.

i'm covered by His grace.  i am so flawed, so imperfect, and thankfully there is grace for that.  failure is an opportunity for grace, to give it to others and receive it for ourselves.

satan is a big fat liar.  satan wants me to dwell on the list I wrote above. he loves that i feel like a failure at times.  he wants me to feel like the only failure in the world.  and that everyone has it together...except me.  the beauty of God and reality is that all of those things might mean failure to me, but they are a part of my walk with Him.        

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

out for now