guest q + a about boys {the answers}

do y'all remember THIS post from last month when Livy from Crown of Beauty Magazine stopped here to do a little q + a about boys? here are the answers plus some super exciting news.  she has a free e-book out called “When Life Feels Like a Taylor Swift Song: A Girl’s Guide to Boys".  i know, right?  does that not sound like the best. book. ever.  check the end of the post to find out how you can get it  :)    

Why is it that after a breakup the girls are so heartbroken and the boys doesn't care?

As girls, we have an amazing, God-given capacity to love and adore. We are passionate souls. We feel so much. We cheer for our favorite boy bands, write love songs for boys who don’t know we exist, and offer to bake cookies for the entire school football team in hopes that we will snag his attention. Our fearless, daring desire to love and be loved is like a wild mustang. Fierce and beautiful, but when passion unbridled is released to run free out of timing... it can do a lot of damage.

Often times, as soon as we meet a handsome guy, our minds and hearts leap ten years into the future and we imagine ourselves married, adopting a puppy together and headed off to honeymoon in Disney World. The Lord knows how easy it is for us to day dream about the future and believe it will be true someday. When we become emotionally attached, and love someone with our whole beings before he has promised any commitment of the future, the pain can cut so deep. Why doesn’t he care? Why did we drop our Cinderella slipper at the ball and he didn't even BOTHER to pick it up?!

For guys, they’re not wired the same way as us. Most males are not driven by their emotions. Don’t get me wrong, they still feel desire and love and are passionate...but in the male brain, things work a bit differently. For some guys who are in a relationship, they’re not really thinking past what they’ll be having for breakfast in the morning. Unlike some girls, most guys are not months ahead of the situation in their mind, planning tuxes and wedding rings. At this age, males can be kinda Hokey-Pokey-ish. They can stick one foot in, and one foot out, by being involved in a "dating"relationship and still keep their eyes peeled for other attractive ladies. It isn’t until a guy has that earth shaking realization that THIS is the girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with...will he lay down his cards and go all in. If he’s involved in a relationship half heartedly, the post-breakup pain isn’t going to hurt as much.

This is why, as girls it’s so important that we guard our hearts. (Proverbs 4:23).
If we can wait until a guy has not only expressed his interest, but also his lifelong commitment, (or at least his desire to explore that possibility) we will be so much safer and less likely to experience a harsh breakup.

Why are boys so clingy when they like you?

I have to be completely honest...this question kind of stumped me. Typically, I tend to see the opposite in the relationships of my peers. I see clingy girls more often then I see clingy boys.
But no matter whose doing the magnet-clinging, there is a reason.

The desperate need to proclaim ownership and claim your ground over another person, comes from insecurity. If a person feels an overwhelming fear that the other half of them might leave, there will always be unhealthy, fear-driven behaviors that could hurt, or even drive away the other person.

When fear and insecurity is involved, it’s hard to act in love. Instead we act from a place of selfishness because we’re only looking out for one person...ourselves.

The most beautiful relationships take total faith. We have to trust that the other person has our best interest in mind. We have to encourage them to be who they are, spend time with their friends, explore their interests and even do things apart from us. When dating, it’s totally healthy and NORMAL to have some space, spend some time alone, and especially staying connected with your friends. Never ditch your friends for a boy! Friends are treasures, and we shouldn’t dispose of them as soon as we find a BF.

The one true source of love is faith. We have to trust each other, enough to travel unique paths yet remain satisfied with the quiet confidence that at the end of the day, you know your hearts belong to each other.

I’ve decided not to kiss until my wedding day. How do I explain that to boys?

First of all, kudos to you! You have chosen to make such a beautiful gesture of purity. There is nothing quite so special and God-honoring as saving that magical first kiss for the alter.

With that being said, we also know that your decision is not a popular one. The world thinks you’re crazy for it. Even some inside the church might think you're little bit nutso! But honestly girl, it doesn’t matter what your toughest critics say...because God has a prince out there waiting for you, desiring to wait for the same beautiful moment that you do.

Having this conversation with the guys you know might be a little bit awkward. But it’s such an important one to have! When guys express interest in attempting to capture your heart, letting him know the decision you have made will separate the men from the boys! This simple rule lifts the standard, and elevates you to a new position of being hard to capture! The wimpy frogs, and the lazy knights will give up, but the guy who is gutsy enough to meet this challenge will pursue you and attempt to climb up Rapunzel’s lofty tower.

This is just a suggestion, but don’t feel like you have to broadcast your desire to save your first kiss to every guy you meet. I mean, posting it on FB and telling all your gal-pals might make you an easy target for teasing. Unless of course you feel the Lord is leading you to influence your friends and make a strong stance for purity. I suppose what I’m saying is that you don’t have to feel like you’ll be spewing out this precious information to every guy who come along. You can wait to express your heart in this matter until after he expresses his interest and desire to be “more then just friends.”

At that point, you can let him know what your heart is, simply by stating what you told me, “I’m not sure how to explain this, but I think it’s important that you know ahead of time....I’ve decided not to kiss until my wedding day.”

If the Lord gives you ideas, or other things to express when you’re talking about this, then go for it! Otherwise, you’re good to go. You have made your intentions known, let him know what the standard is, and it’s up to him to decide if he wants to reach it or not!

Thanks for all your great questions girls!
Love from a sister in Christ,

P.S. Don’t feel bad if you scare some boys don’t need a parade of guys chasing you around. You only need one man to see you and think, “Woah, that is the most beautiful heart I’ve ever seen. I am going to spend the rest of my life fighting for it, defending it, and protecting it.”

P.S.S. For more boy advice you can check out my free e-book, “When Life Feels Like a Taylor Swift Song: A Girl’s Guide to Boys"  Grab the book HERE.