I have to be completely honest...this question kind of stumped me. Typically, I tend to see the opposite in the relationships of my peers. I see clingy girls more often then I see clingy boys.
But no matter whose doing the magnet-clinging, there is a reason.
The desperate need to proclaim ownership and claim your ground over another person, comes from insecurity. If a person feels an overwhelming fear that the other half of them might leave, there will always be unhealthy, fear-driven behaviors that could hurt, or even drive away the other person.
When fear and insecurity is involved, it’s hard to act in love. Instead we act from a place of selfishness because we’re only looking out for one person...ourselves.
The most beautiful relationships take total faith. We have to trust that the other person has our best interest in mind. We have to encourage them to be who they are, spend time with their friends, explore their interests and even do things apart from us. When dating, it’s totally healthy and NORMAL to have some space, spend some time alone, and especially staying connected with your friends. Never ditch your friends for a boy! Friends are treasures, and we shouldn’t dispose of them as soon as we find a BF.
The one true source of love is faith. We have to trust each other, enough to travel unique paths yet remain satisfied with the quiet confidence that at the end of the day, you know your hearts belong to each other. I’ve decided not to kiss until my wedding day. How do I explain that to boys?
First of all, kudos to you! You have chosen to make such a beautiful gesture of purity. There is nothing quite so special and God-honoring as saving that magical first kiss for the alter.
With that being said, we also know that your decision is not a popular one. The world thinks you’re crazy for it. Even some inside the church might think you're little bit nutso! But honestly girl, it doesn’t matter what your toughest critics say...because God has a prince out there waiting for you, desiring to wait for the same beautiful moment that you do.
Having this conversation with the guys you know might be a little bit awkward. But it’s such an important one to have! When guys express interest in attempting to capture your heart, letting him know the decision you have made will separate the men from the boys! This simple rule lifts the standard, and elevates you to a new position of being hard to capture! The wimpy frogs, and the lazy knights will give up, but the guy who is gutsy enough to meet this challenge will pursue you and attempt to climb up Rapunzel’s lofty tower.
This is just a suggestion, but don’t feel like you have to broadcast your desire to save your first kiss to every guy you meet. I mean, posting it on FB and telling all your gal-pals might make you an easy target for teasing. Unless of course you feel the Lord is leading you to influence your friends and make a strong stance for purity. I suppose what I’m saying is that you don’t have to feel like you’ll be spewing out this precious information to every guy who come along. You can wait to express your heart in this matter until after he expresses his interest and desire to be “more then just friends.”
At that point, you can let him know what your heart is, simply by stating what you told me, “I’m not sure how to explain this, but I think it’s important that you know ahead of time....I’ve decided not to kiss until my wedding day.”
If the Lord gives you ideas, or other things to express when you’re talking about this, then go for it! Otherwise, you’re good to go. You have made your intentions known, let him know what the standard is, and it’s up to him to decide if he wants to reach it or not!
Thanks for all your great questions girls!
Love from a sister in Christ,
P.S. Don’t feel bad if you scare some boys away...you don’t need a parade of guys chasing you around. You only need one man to see you and think, “Woah, that is the most beautiful heart I’ve ever seen. I am going to spend the rest of my life fighting for it, defending it, and protecting it.”
P.S.S. For more boy advice you can check out my free
e-book, “When Life Feels Like a Taylor Swift Song: A Girl’s Guide to Boys" Grab the book HERE