ignite the fire of your marriage {passion}

today begins a new marriage series i am super excited about, ignite the fire.  the topic this week is passion.

do you remember butterflies?  the ones that happened that very first time your boyfriend reached for your hand.  the ones that would happen when he would talk about marriage.  or the ones that happened the first time he kissed you.

the butterflies will eventually be a lot less frequent.  i've sadly watched so many people spend a lifetime pursuing new relationships and chasing those butterflies.  just because those new, fluttery feelings might not be a daily occurrence certainly doesn't mean your marriage is over.

you need to be purposeful about cultivating passion in your marriage.

how can you keep passion alive?  you have to desire it.  you have to want it.  you have to be deliberate about it.  you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to reach the goal.  you have to engage your heart fully in the joyful pursuit.

i read an amazing book, Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow and Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus.  i would highly recommend this book to every. single. couple.  it is a verse by verse exploration of the Song of Solomon, one of the most loving, romantic and poetic Books found in the Old Testament of the Bible!  if God ever gave us an instruction manual for passion in marriage, Song of Solomon is it!  God wants married couples to have a love so hot, so passionate, so intense that nothing will be able to extinguish it.

so how can you ignite the passion in your marriage?

pursue your spouse.  now, this one is a bit tricky.  men and women are so different.  i know, right, can i get an Amen?  pursuit, to most men, means feeling desired (ladies, read that as "sex") and affirmed through respect, honor and appreciation. most women, on the other hand, are more likely to want to be pursued through time, attention and tenderheartedness (guys, read that as "romance").  
  • write your spouse a love letter.  write it in a way that would say "i love you" to them (which means it might not necessary be the kind you would want to receive).  explain to your spouse that you want to work on pursuing passion in your marriage.   
  • initiate a sexual encounter in a creative way, especially if your spouse always initiates.
  • read the Song of Solomon out loud together each night before bed
  • plan a date that revolves around something your spouse enjoys
have fun. when was the last time you did something with the purposeful intention of just having fun together? one of my fav things my husband and i have in common is a love for laughter. actually, his ability to make me laugh was one of the reasons i fell head over heals for him. 
  • plan a spontaneous adventure and surprise your spouse with it. this could be a night away (minus kids) or even a little mini-date. 
  • see a funny movie together, or take in a comedy show.
  • let your hair down and get silly: have a pillow fight or a tickle war.
be positive.  remember the reasons you fell in love with your spouse?  it's super easy to focus on what annoys us about our spouse, but that is definitely a passion killer.  passion can't co-exist with negativity.  so, develop a habit of being grateful and appreciative.  guard your heart against taking the good parts of your marriage for granted.  
  • say thank you.  plain and simple.  thank them for big and little things.  thank them for doing dishes, laundry or fixing your car.  i even thank my husband for just loving me (because i am fully aware there are days that can't be easy).  
  • sit down together and make a list of the top five body parts you love (and think are super hot) about your spouse. (guys...your wife is likely in a body-image battle, even if you think she shouldn't be. this will mean the absolute world to her)
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18-19

this weeks challenge...ignite the passion in your marriage by investing into your husband joyfully. this may look different in every marriage. the challenge is to focus on an area of your marriage that is a little weak and pour time, energy and love into it.

read all the contributors posts on this topic:

out for now

1 comment

Orenda Smith said...

WOW! I love the post and the great ideas you have given. It's funny my hubby and I was just talking about we should have a pillow fight the other day and then I read your post and there's that suggestion again. (Hmm) Also you had mention to read the Song of Songs of Solomon's to each other, this was another hit on the head for me... My husband suggest we read this one day and I did not want to and I was quite angry with him for being so persistent that we read it. After him trying to convince me why we need to read it, I finally gave in reluctantly though. :( My reason being that I did not want to read Song of Song's was because: One I did not understand what they are saying to each other or what's going on and two from what I hear from everyone else this is a love story! Those two reasons alone was enough for me not to want to read it. :( As much as I hate romance and love stories this is God's story and this is what He's all about pursuing us, loving us unconditionally and having a relationship with us I best get on the ball and ask for His help to read His love story and to give me understanding of Solomon's Song of Songs. Thank you for some wonderful ideas and letting God use you to wake me up :) God Bless