failing


so many of my days feel like a thousand little moments of failure all rolled into one.

failing at being a good wife.
failing at being a good mother.
failing at losing weight.
failing at keeping up with the laundry.
failing at having dinner done on time.
failing at being a good friend.
failure.  failure.  failure.

days filled with me, miserably failing, time after time.

these failing moments allow accusations and lies to invade my mind. lies that i've bought into. feelings of failure, worthlessness and being inadequate. days sprinkled with anxiety, depression and many tears. oh y'all many, many tears. hours of horrible, negative self-talk in my head. nights spent staring into the darkness believing every lie whispered to me.

we all fail at one time or another, don't we? but we live in a world that wants us to feel alone, like we are the ONLY ones that fail. it doesn't help that when we do fail, there are always a handful of people ready and waiting to point it out.

i can't tell you i've conquered this. i can't tell you there aren't still days i buy into the lie of perfection. this is something i struggle with more than anyone realizes.

where do i find comfort?

knowing that we were created to fail.  our failures allow us to see our need for Jesus, because He never fails.  when i fail miserably, it's the perfect time to fall into Him. let His arms surround me, comfort me and remind me i am not, but He is. i read this quote and instantly loved it. because i'm with Jesus, i will walk on stormy waters, not drown in them.

i am so flawed, so imperfect, and thankfully there is grace for that. failure is an opportunity for grace, to give it to others and receive it for ourselves. so extremely thankful that He meets us where we are, even if that means meeting us in the middle of a big bawling, failing mess.

the beauty of God and reality is that all of those things might mean failure to me, but they are a part of my walk with Him.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9