finding my mama voice


i grabbed my baby and settled into my rocking chair.  she lay naked in my lap with her hair wildly askew, i picked up her bottle and placed it to her mouth.  i cradled her in my arms, gently rocking her while humming a sunday school song.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

a question children are typically asked.  there are a multitude of common answers...firefighter, policeman, doctor, and veterinarian are among them.  my answer always sounded different.

i simply wanted to be a mama.

"but what else do you want to be?  you can't just be a mama.  don't you want to be a doctor and help people?  or be a dentist and make lots of money?"

i just wanted to be a mama.  that's it.  in my heart and in my soul i knew i was born to be a mom.

as i grew older, the pressure to choose an occupation mounted.  so many days i spent wishing others could see what my heart felt.

eventually, i felt my hearts-song slipping away.  it was drown out by the noise of school work, life-decisions, college and pressure.  it seemed simply being a mama wasn't feasible or acceptable.

i tucked my heart-song away, only pulling it out when i was alone.  fleeting moments spent standing in front of a mirror, imagining my baby belly, dreaming of what my baby would look like and what songs i would sing when they cried.

i was secretly enamored by the black-and-white pictures from the past, where simply being a mama was enough.  the days when caroline ingalls would tend her house, fields and babies with a humble smile.

while the world was screaming you must work outside of your home.  you must make money.  you must help support your family.  if not, you're a lazy, worthless mother my heart was saying trust God.  stay home.  listen to the song i sing to you.  the same song you heard when you rocked your naked baby years ago.  

i had a choice to make.

safety and comfort or stepping out and finding my own mama voice.

the choice i made, after years of squelching that voice, was to finally listen to my song.  to embrace it.  to cherish it.  the only regret i have is how long it took me to be brave.

what i've now realized is what i've referred to as my heart-song, was actually God calling to me.  God had called me,even as a young girl, to be a mother, a wife and a homemaker.

i have to remind myself, God doesn't call us to be the same, to follow what everyone else is doing, He calls us to be different!  there is one thing i need {more than money, fame and a fancy career}...Jesus!!!  and to be fulfilled in this life i need to follow God's will for me.  for each of us, this looks different.
 
and if i have the approval of God, the worlds opinion can fall by the wayside.

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24