A Raging Battle

I love my morning quiet time with God. Just this girl and her Father hanging out, enjoying some coffee and some much needed time in His word. It just really starts my day in a great way and points it in the right direction.

This week started an online Bible study that I'm participating in.  It's on the Made to Crave (M2C) book by Lysa TerKeurst through the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study.  Yesterday I was doing my morning devotional and all of a sudden God gave me one of those "aha" moments.  I sure am familiar with those, seems He has to talk to this stubborn, thick-headed girl quite often. You know the ones, they leave you sitting there with your mouth gaping open. Those moments that the light bulb clicks in our brain and illuminates what God is doing? Yeah, I kinda love those moments’ huge amounts.

I rely on food more than I rely on God.

What? Are you as shocked as i was? I had to take time to process it and talk through it, out loud of course. Let me say it again, I've basically made food an idol. Wow, isn't that ouchie. Surely that can't be right. How in the world do you make FOOD more important than God?

Then I remembered something, a past blog post. One where i described food as my boyfriend. Here is a little snippet of it:
Seriously, we've always had an intense love affair. It’s always there for you, never lets you down and always makes you feel good. Let’s face it...foods always there to fill you with delicious goodness. If I was sad, food would cheer me up...if I was happy, food would celebrate with me...if I was lonely, food would keep me company.
Now, read that last paragraph and replace the word food with God. And that, my friends, is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was true. Food was my golden calf and I worshiped at its feet. Instantly my heart was just sad. Can you imagine how much it grieved God when I would run to food to celebrate instead of Him? Or when I would run to food to soothe my sadness instead of Him? I've been breaking God's heart for years and didn't even know it.

My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
Psalm 84:2

Now that I’ve recognized the idolatry in my heart, I need to admit it, repent and ask God for His help.  I am so super thankful we have a God of grace!  Because this slow learner had to sit at His feet and admit she put food higher than Him.  Whew.  I need to choose to be content in Christ alone and not search for happiness or comfort in food. Thankfully this realization came during an amazing Bible study that will be there with me for weeks!  I am going to obey God and trust Him to lead this journey, to lead my actions and thoughts. I’m going to run to Him when I’m happy, sad, stressed, bored and every other emotion you can think of.

Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts
1 John 5:21