I have spent the last few months walking around in sadness. I'm sure you've read my posts about losing joy and finding my Christmas. I'm sure y'all could have guessed I was walking through a valley. It's true, I was. I had lost a friend, someone I had left into my inner circle of circles. Someone I trusted, wholeheartedly. Someone I thought was the sister I never had, sent directly to me by God. Our families were woven together. Losing that broke me more than anyone, even myself, could imagine.
I love having lots of friends. After growing up an only child, my friends are my siblings. I especially cherish close friends. You know what I mean, the ones who know you in-and-out and the friendship just feels comfortable and familiar. Asking me to get rid of a friend is like asking for a vital organ. And that's exactly what this has felt like...like a part of me was taken. I'm sure a few of you have just rolled your eyes and thought "oh she is sooooo over-exaggerating". I wish you could see my heart.
The loss of a valued friend is a harsh reality...it hurts! When the ties of a super close friendship are severed the results can be devastating, as I've found out. Emotional anguish is often complicated and confusing. The feelings of rejection, bitterness and resentment threaten to take over.
This girl has licked her wounds long enough. I am tired of the sadness, the lingering questions I ask myself over and over, the bitterness and the overwhelming void I feel. I'm done. My heart is ready to have some happy times!!
It's time for closure y'all. Wow, does it ever feel good to say that!
So once that was decided, I had to figure out HOW to move on. How to get closure. I surely didn't know how, if I did I would have done it long ago. So I turned to the person who created friendship, God :) If He created it surely He knew how to move on from a broken one.
I needed to realize their brokenness. I had been playing the victim when really they were the ones hurting. God softened my heart and helped me to see the ways in which this former friend suffers and struggles in life. In fact, it was those very insecurities or wounds that often caused them to treat me the way that they did. By leveling the playing field and remembering that we’re all broken humans clumsily trying to follow Christ, God helped me to see these ex-friends the way He does: Sinners desperately in need of grace. It didn't happen over night, but it happened. Thank goodness because this girl right here is tired of being sad!
As Christians, we are called to live a life that sticks out and looks different from the rest of the world. Being angry, throwing my hands in the air, walking around in sadness and shutting them out was the obvious answer. But did that answer make me look different? I have decided to let Jesus' words be true of my life and love in a way that is shocking, radical and irrational to the world around me. I am choosing to forgive, pray for and keep the option of reconciliation there (if it's Gods will). No more anger, sadness and pity parties here! Woo!
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.