I would like to start this letter by saying two things…I am sorry + you are beautiful.
You are an amazing creation that God designed specifically for me. You have carried me through 38 years of playing + walking + moving + learning + thinking + creating + loving + living.
You have endured multiple displays of my clumsiness, bad luck, horrible aim, dumb-flat-feet-make-me-trip. And by multiple I really mean uncountable…but yet, you kept going. You didn't throw your hands up in the air and say “that’s IT, this girl is unreal…how can she fall UP the steps and DOWN them?”.
Not to mention the countless surgeries over the past few years. Through it all, you never gave in. Not even in ICU where you were so. so. tired. It's because of you that this Mama can see her kids grow up.
After all that how do I repay you? I belittle you…I call you fat…I complain about my loose skin + belly pooch + neck fat + droopy eyelids + big booty. I compare you to every.single.woman. that walks past me. I talk worse to you than I ever would speak to anyone else. Ever.
I am so sorry for that. Extremely sorry for that.
I wish I would have appreciated what a perfect gift God gave me when He gave me you. You've given me two perfect babies. You've helped me walk endless miles with my mama shopping. You've helped me survive! I want to appreciate you for what you ARE not what I wish you WERE. I want to appreciate my stretch marks for what they are, battle marks from having babies. And yes, I might have extra weight but I'm alive!
I am so grateful for you and I vow I will try as hard as I can to change the ugly way I speak to you. At least I hope to. See, these habits, they are kinda hard for me to break. But as you and I know all too well, I can do anything I set my mind to.
Labels: weight loss journey