I grabbed my baby and settled into my rocking chair. She lay naked in my lap with her hair wildly askew, I picked up her bottle and placed it to her mouth. I cradled her in my arms, gently rocking her while humming a sunday school song.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A question children are typically asked. There are a multitude of common answers...firefighter, policeman, doctor, and veterinarian are among them. My answer always sounded different.
I simply wanted to be a Mama.
"But what else do you want to be? You can't just be a mama. Don’t you want to be a doctor and help people? Or be a dentist and make lots of money?"
I just wanted to be a Mama. That’s it. In my heart and in my soul I knew I was born to be a Mom.
As I grew older, the pressure to choose an occupation mounted. So many days I spent wishing others could see what my heart felt.
Eventually, I felt my hearts-song slipping away. It was drown out by the noise of school work, life-decisions, college and pressure. It seemed simply being a Mama wasn't feasible or acceptable.
I tucked my heart-song away, only pulling it out when I was alone. Fleeting moments spent standing in front of a mirror, imagining my baby belly, dreaming of what my baby would look like and what songs I would sing when they cried.
I was secretly enamored by the black-and-white pictures from the past, where simply being a Mama was enough. The days when Caroline Ingalls would tend her house, fields and babies with a humble smile.
While the world was screaming you must work outside of your home. You must make money. You must help support your family. If not, you're a lazy, worthless mother my heart was saying trust God. Stay home. Listen to the song I sing to you. The same song you heard when you rocked your naked baby years ago.
I had a choice to make.
Safety and comfort or stepping out and finding my own Mama voice.
The choice I made, after years of squelching that voice, was to finally listen to my song. To embrace it. To cherish it. The only regret I have is how long it took me to be brave.
What I’ve now realized is what I’ve referred to as my heart-song, was actually God calling to me. God had called me, even as a young girl, to be a mother, a wife and a homemaker.
I have to remind myself, God doesn't call us to be the same, to follow what everyone else is doing, He calls us to be different! There is one thing I need more than money, fame and a fancy career...Jesus!!! And to be fulfilled in this life I need to follow God's will for me. For each of us, this looks different. He puts a different song in each of our hearts.
And if I have the approval of God, the world’s opinion can fall by the wayside.
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.